All my life I have had loads of Friends and am sure most of us, if we are the gregarious kind and who trust everyone easily, will have. When you are in school, if you have the maximum circle of friends, you definitely are the most popular kinds. Everyone would look upto you. Sometimes, they would even try and do things that you do or wear clothes the kinds you wear and much more. All this is just great till you are in school. But what matters is how many of these friends really last or are "with you" through all phases of your life. As I have grown, as the eyars have passed by, I have realised that there are very few, just as many as your fingers, who are with you through your thick and thin. The sooner you learn to filter your friends the better. I am using the word filter because, most of the times, the more time we spend with our chosen friends for life, we start believing that they are evrything to us. We create a world of fun around us, but somehow apprecitae it only when it has our "best friends" in it. This , everyone would agree, is true 80% of the time.
But of course, theres another face to this.
When you start living your life with those few friends, one thing is bound to happen. Either you or your friend would start taking you for granted. You would never relaise this even if its been happening all the time, but, it would start pinching only when something in your normal life goes a little abnormal. Or, maybe when you start expecting a lot more than required from your freind. There are times, when "you" would consider your friend as "The Best friend for Life" only to realise that only "YOU" consider them as your best friend. Its not the same the other way. Or you would be dying to meet your friend after a long long holiday only to see that your friend is too busy just to say a "HI". Or you just want to meet your friend to say a Goodbye as you know you are not gonna have them beside you for long, only to see that your friend doesnt even care! How many of us have felt this time and again with some or the other friend/friends?
I just want to say that you need to be extremely lucky to be 60 and still have the friends who were with you when you were 20. Its always better to have a balance and hold on your feelings for a friend. The best way to do that is expect the least. Try and give more in friendship than to ask more. Try as many friends as you can because to find one true friend is like eating a melon.Try and be there for your friend only as much as the friend needs you. Do not overdo, sometimes it really becomes difficult to deny or avoid. Try and be the first one to apologise if things go wrong, coz if you have found a true friend, its too bad to lose the treausre just like that. I can go on and on which most of us know and do all our lives... But do all this only if your friend is really worth it, if not, try, once, twice, thrice...then move on, and start a new search, a new trust, a new faith...!!!
One friend who can be with you till your last breath is worth a thousand friends who last with you as long as you are in the same school or as long as you are in the same organization....these are just "Companions"!
I am lucky coz I know who are my "Companions" and who are my "Friends"!!! :)
Do you know? Start knowing them, its worth the precious smile!!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Impeccable Arranged Marriages
"Marriages are made in heaven"....I somehow want to believe this but its true only when it happens. For some people it happenes too early and for some when they least expect it happens! The day everyone gets married, people do think it as their best day but eventually time says everything!!!
For a girl who has NO LOVE LIFE, has no choice but rely upon the families to search a groom for her...!!! At times, lifes experiences make you believe somewhere deep within that you cannot have a Love marriage...but ofcourse, we never lose hopes on it!
Now, if you are a girl and you come from a typical family where the ideal age to get married is 22 or 23 and because of your ambitious quality, you somehow cross that age..you realise, that somehow the whole world around you , have suddenly started worrying about you. I come from such a family, where, I do have all the freedom i could ever ask for, but somehow, we all live not just with our family but are somehow connected to the society around us, the people around us... So even if your family is taking it cool, the people around just build all the pressures. At these times, no matter how great your parents are, they do get carried away..ofcourse, nothing bad about it...but still!!!
I have come across many guys. Apparently have realised, that the guy and their families always expect more than they get from the girl they are looking at. I don't know whats with the "Groom World" nowadays. There are two kinds that I have come across and not to forget, both kinds want "Perfect Girls". This one kind of Groom World needs a girl who is great to look at, who has a perfect body, who can look hot when they are moms,who can cook, and do a 9 to 5 job. In short manage everything, from home, to husband to family to self grooming. And theres this other kind, who want everything mentioned above minus the working bit. They want their girl to be a pakka housewife, a home maker. And, if you have crossed the age, your opiniond about a guy do not matter. You are asked to compromise on everything as families, relatives fear that the more the age graph increases, the lesser good guys you would find. I just ask them, how good are these guys..?? In a common world, Indian family, most of the to be brides say "I want a guy who has a flawless skin, who has a great body, who is a great dad, etc etc"..but in reality how much of it is really considered..eventually the girl is asked to compromise on most of the things...coz..she simply is a girl!!
Its very easy for a guy to say, "I don't think this would work out, because you are not great at your looks", " I don't think this will workout if you want to do a job", "I don't think this will work out if you are not a great cook" and so on and so forth..
For once, all the guys who are going for an arranged marriage, put yourselves in a Girls shoes, maybe the size is not the same, but just try....make an effort. A girl has lived for 25 to 26 odd years of her life with all her dreams intact...day on day...she has so many desires till she lives, she wishes to dance in the rain, she wishes to have a cozy sunday, she wishes she could have a team under her, she wishes she could just watch TV someday and laze around, she wishes someone would cook for her too..she wishes a lot of things..But most of the times, she gives up everything because she is with someone who wants her to be someone else..she kills all her desires for the happiness of someone else...and inspite of all this, when one day she cant be "that" someone, she changes. And then, after all the years of hardwork, when she ceases to be that "someone" who she never was...she is no more respected..people talk about her changed nature, and so many such things...And all this just because the Lady started being herself again..??
I do agree that not all girls go through this, but most of them do...and all they can do is just listen, get advoses from the entire world, agree...if the same thing is done by a guy, he is not even blamed...I know times are changing, but, still, not changed. Things of these sorts do exist even today in most of the typical Indian families.
Eventhough, the guy is not a wee bit like you have dreamt of, you need to accept the fact that this is "The Guy". The guy may not be good looking, may not be the humorous kind, may not have a family like yours, but still they rule. They definitely have the right to walk in , walk out, choose and deny any and every girl.
All this happens...it truly does...and still hopes never die...A girl keeps hoping that someday she will get the right guy, and if she does not, she will still consider him the right guy...she will make sure everybit of her life her guy smiles...irrespective if she does..she will definitely hope she gets a family like hers, and if she does not she will adapt herself to new family...but she will still smile...she will do everything just to make sure everyone around her are happy....but she will only smile!!!!
Hopes never cease...dreams never stop...just accept everything and move on...you never know, life may have surprises!!!! Just don't give up which most of the girls do..and start accepting...lets choose...lets walk in and walk out...lets just not agree to everything...common...lets stop the sacrifices... :)
After all...marriages are made in heaven and they are impeccable... or are they second rated? ;)
For a girl who has NO LOVE LIFE, has no choice but rely upon the families to search a groom for her...!!! At times, lifes experiences make you believe somewhere deep within that you cannot have a Love marriage...but ofcourse, we never lose hopes on it!
Now, if you are a girl and you come from a typical family where the ideal age to get married is 22 or 23 and because of your ambitious quality, you somehow cross that age..you realise, that somehow the whole world around you , have suddenly started worrying about you. I come from such a family, where, I do have all the freedom i could ever ask for, but somehow, we all live not just with our family but are somehow connected to the society around us, the people around us... So even if your family is taking it cool, the people around just build all the pressures. At these times, no matter how great your parents are, they do get carried away..ofcourse, nothing bad about it...but still!!!
I have come across many guys. Apparently have realised, that the guy and their families always expect more than they get from the girl they are looking at. I don't know whats with the "Groom World" nowadays. There are two kinds that I have come across and not to forget, both kinds want "Perfect Girls". This one kind of Groom World needs a girl who is great to look at, who has a perfect body, who can look hot when they are moms,who can cook, and do a 9 to 5 job. In short manage everything, from home, to husband to family to self grooming. And theres this other kind, who want everything mentioned above minus the working bit. They want their girl to be a pakka housewife, a home maker. And, if you have crossed the age, your opiniond about a guy do not matter. You are asked to compromise on everything as families, relatives fear that the more the age graph increases, the lesser good guys you would find. I just ask them, how good are these guys..?? In a common world, Indian family, most of the to be brides say "I want a guy who has a flawless skin, who has a great body, who is a great dad, etc etc"..but in reality how much of it is really considered..eventually the girl is asked to compromise on most of the things...coz..she simply is a girl!!
Its very easy for a guy to say, "I don't think this would work out, because you are not great at your looks", " I don't think this will workout if you want to do a job", "I don't think this will work out if you are not a great cook" and so on and so forth..
For once, all the guys who are going for an arranged marriage, put yourselves in a Girls shoes, maybe the size is not the same, but just try....make an effort. A girl has lived for 25 to 26 odd years of her life with all her dreams intact...day on day...she has so many desires till she lives, she wishes to dance in the rain, she wishes to have a cozy sunday, she wishes she could have a team under her, she wishes she could just watch TV someday and laze around, she wishes someone would cook for her too..she wishes a lot of things..But most of the times, she gives up everything because she is with someone who wants her to be someone else..she kills all her desires for the happiness of someone else...and inspite of all this, when one day she cant be "that" someone, she changes. And then, after all the years of hardwork, when she ceases to be that "someone" who she never was...she is no more respected..people talk about her changed nature, and so many such things...And all this just because the Lady started being herself again..??
I do agree that not all girls go through this, but most of them do...and all they can do is just listen, get advoses from the entire world, agree...if the same thing is done by a guy, he is not even blamed...I know times are changing, but, still, not changed. Things of these sorts do exist even today in most of the typical Indian families.
Eventhough, the guy is not a wee bit like you have dreamt of, you need to accept the fact that this is "The Guy". The guy may not be good looking, may not be the humorous kind, may not have a family like yours, but still they rule. They definitely have the right to walk in , walk out, choose and deny any and every girl.
All this happens...it truly does...and still hopes never die...A girl keeps hoping that someday she will get the right guy, and if she does not, she will still consider him the right guy...she will make sure everybit of her life her guy smiles...irrespective if she does..she will definitely hope she gets a family like hers, and if she does not she will adapt herself to new family...but she will still smile...she will do everything just to make sure everyone around her are happy....but she will only smile!!!!
Hopes never cease...dreams never stop...just accept everything and move on...you never know, life may have surprises!!!! Just don't give up which most of the girls do..and start accepting...lets choose...lets walk in and walk out...lets just not agree to everything...common...lets stop the sacrifices... :)
After all...marriages are made in heaven and they are impeccable... or are they second rated? ;)
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